Bachelorette JoJo Picks the Guy We All Suspected, Aaron Rodger’s Bro, Jordan

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Bachelorette Jo Jo made her choice and to no one’s surprise, she picked failed football player and actor Jordan Rogers. The final rose ceremony was everything we’ve come to expect from Jo Jo: demanding that one of the men not be a dirt bag, followed by that man’s exasperated promise to show his feelings, followed by Jo Jo letting go of the nice guy and keeping the dirt bag, all punctuated by tears.

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The drama of this episode centered on Jo Jo declaring that she was in love with two men. However, Jo Jo said it with all the lack of sentiment you might expect from someone who knows that the best drama she could create was to be in love with two men, just six months after she was dumped by Ben Higgins, who was in love with both of his finalists.

Robby Hayes, ex-swimmer, seemed to take the lead on Jordan when he asked for her mother and father’s permission to marry her. Despite the massive hint by Jo Jo that the men were supposed to ask for her hand in marriage – she told them that such a traditional move was her DREAM – Jordan screwed the pooch and blew off this important mandate. Thus, a large portion of Jo Jo’s final date with Jordan was devoted to her expressing a disappointment and demanding an explanation. Jordan’s explanation? Um…brain fart?

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Jordan, whose desire to get hired as a football analyst often seemed bigger than his desire for Jo Jo, flipped and flopped his hair again, puffed air out of his mouth and realized all that was standing between him and a job as the 19th lead analyst for ESPN’s college football was winning over Jo Jo’s parents. So he sucked it up and dialed Jo Jo’s mom and pop for a conference call. Subject: can I marry your daughter? Answer: Ok.

Thus, as the show telegraphed for two hours, Robby and his identically floppy hair was destined to lose. He marched over to the final rose ceremony and gave almost an entire speech before Jo Jo stopped him and sent him packing. Then Jordan arrived, freshly coiffed and ready with the most Bachelor/Bachelorette-ready cliches. “I almost ran across the beach I wanted to get here so bad,” he said. Sure, buddy there is nothing more beautiful than a true love story taking place right in front of us.

As everyone knows (and Chris Harrison helpfully alluded too), the two have already been the subject of several nasty rumors about how they have already broken up. The two claimed that contrary to those reports, they were happy and engaged. Only time will tell, but the odds on these two making it seem about as likely as Aaron Rogers appearing on the Bachelorette, which, despite much teasing by Harrison, he will apparently never do.

Meanwhile, the series will now try to cast the next Bachelor by picking through Jo Jo’s rejects. The leader is Chase McNary, who was so dull he inexplicably made the cut as one of the Final Four. The runner-up, sensitive former Marine hottie Luke Pell, could be a better choice, but it’s also possible that the show will just call up Robby, or even go with someone else entirely.We’ll just have to wait and see.